


Love To Hate Me

by ChiDrinksTea



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Armin Arlert - Freeform, College AU, Eren Yeager - Freeform, F/M, Mordern AU, One sided enemies to lovers (?), Pining, Reader-Insert, Smoking, Stress, Toxic Romance, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, eren kinda likes reader, eren yeager is complicated and troubled, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, reader - Freeform, reader kinda hates eren just because
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29655240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiDrinksTea/pseuds/ChiDrinksTea
Summary: you’ve never hated anyone as much as you hate eren yeager, and you’re quite sure that’s something that will never change( modern au )
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	1. a certain type

The first time seeing Eren on his own, without Armin and Mikasa, is the first time you hope you never have to see him again. All it takes is one glance to fall in love, or so people say, but as it turns out, you also only need one glance to absolutely learn to despise someone. One look, at him, and his asshole friends (please, you even recognize Floch, and that says a lot), and you know, you just know. You can tell what kind of person Eren is the moment you lay your eyes on him, with his long sleeved, dark sweatshirt, his hair long and put up in a messy bun, and his lazy, but dark stare that somehow warns you of hidden danger. His eyes, your subconsciousness tells you, would be able to switch in a millisecond, and if his gaze seemed exhausted at one moment in time, it would seem hazardous within the next. 

His brilliant green eyes tell you that much, but, of course, in that first meeting, it is the joint in his left hand that really paints the picture for you. Maybe the joint in itself wouldn't be so bad (or maybe it would, especially for your parents), if not for the fact that he and his friends were sitting on the steps of the counseling building you had to get in to.

And... Well, he's the type of person you don't have any time for, the type you should never have any time for. Especially in the dark of night. 

You're determined not to engage, wrapping your large gray sweatshirt closer around yourself in a attempt to calm yourself. Breathing in the scent of Armin's sweatshirt that you borrowed (not that he's getting it back) calms you slightly, but you're still careful, to walk past Eren, and his friends with your head down, avoiding eye contact at any cost. You need to move past him in order to get to the counseling building, but you won't pay him any mind, you won't waste a second, not on boys like Eren Yeager and Floch Forster. 

Despite doing all this, despite hiding behind your papers, you can still feel him watching you, because his gaze has an itch to it. You can tell he's watching you because his gave is heavy, because he doesn't hide it, and lets his head turn as you glide up the stairs. He doesn't hide it, leaning back a bit, surrounded by his 'gang', as wisps of smoke escape his mouth and float lazily upwards. 

You hate that you always run into him sitting there at night, just this time, Armin isn't at your side to freeze up, grab your hand and then lead you away. But it's okay, you continue to ignore him, because you have no business with him, you never had any to Beginn with, and that's something you're determined should stay the same, even as his red rimmed eyes watch you closely as you disappear behind the door. You don't pay him any attention.


	2. hollow

You don't hate Armin Arlert, and you don't hate Mikasa Ackermann. You like them, even though you don't really understand them for missing their friendship with Eren. Since you would consider them, in some ways, not all, friends, you nevertheless try to appear sympathetic. You suggest that Eren might come to his senses again when they tell you he wasn't always the way he is now, but you don't really trust your words, because you've seen how he acts on multiple occasions now. And, more importantly, you've see how he treats Mikasa, who maybe is the one person in this world who'll always love him unconditionally.

It disgusts you a bit, and hatred coils in your belly like a snake. It's premature, judgmental, too, but you can't help yourself. You like Mikasa, you can tell how good she is, and someone like Eren treating her the way he does... it just rubs you the wrong way. He just rubs you the wrong way.

Additionally, even when you depart from the characters of Eren and Mikasa, and your respective dislike and affection for both, you just think there's something so wrong with those who treat horribly the very people that for them would go through hell and back. Doesn't he understand how valuable friendships like that are? Can't he treasure locality? There's something wrong with him, you know there is. There just has to be with the way Armin and Mikasa, two people you consider your friends, two people you consider good, react to Eren's mere presence. With fear, shock, and in Armin's case, slight, concealed anger. 

You know he did something that at one point made them take a step back, but what exactly it is that he did, you're not sure. You have loose theories, but all you really know is that has to be something pretty horrible if it was able to resound in Mikasa, and make her hesitate with her affection, and urge to care for him.

What is enough to make Mikasa Ackerman permanently take a step back?

These thoughts run through your head as you stare at Eren, your face a mask void of any emotion. You're right about him, you're sure of it. 

He's nothing like his former friends, nothing like sweet Armin, who always asks if he can walk you back home in the dark, slightly sheepish and with colored cheeks, and nothing like Mikasa who has this tough aura about her, but who nevertheless constantly asks you if you've been eating properly. 

Really, who is Eren Yeager to be apart of such a trio? He's not as smart as Armin, who although shy, has probably built up a lot of arm muscle from constantly raising his hand in class. 

Instead, Eren tends to act quietly powerful like Mikasa, but the danger he emits is not a reassuring one like it is with her. With her, it's just different, because she feels warm. You'd never tell her, not after the last time you complemented her and she spent the whole following weeks showering you with her own kind of Mikasa-affection, but you feel strangely safe with Mikasa, like you would with a big brother or sister, a silent but strong and noble warrior who places a stern but reassuring hand on your shoulder. That's Mikasa, but it isn't Eren.

Eren is... danger in the unpredictable way. And never has something like that ever attracted you. 

He looks looks taller up close, and somehow even scarier (partly because the night is darkening around you again), despite his undeniable beauty — and Eren Yeager is beautiful, but in a dark way. His green eyes, often reddened, tell a story, and if you didn't know more about him, you'd think he'd be older, much older, because the look in his eyes tells you he's seen so much. Eren Yeager tilts his head, leaning down a bit so that his brilliant eyes are staring directly down into your own. 

"Y/n."

You don't like the way he says your name. It sounds too empty.  
You look at him, wonder about his odd tone some more, but remind yourself that you don't know Eren Yeager, and that you've never spoken to him. You also don't want to know him in any way, either. 

You're waiting for Armin, but you have to bring the books back into the library first.

You clear your throat. "Yes. How do you know my name?"

"You don't know mine?" he asks in a laconic manner, dark eyes empty, and his voice hollow, but with an undertone of something you can't quite make out yet... Is Eren Yeager just hollow? You'd like to think that, maybe because it'd be easier.

You narrow your eyes and watch as a wisp of smoke escapes his mouth with his words, and you then immediately glance down to his hand, somewhat knowingly. He raises a brow, not really, but slightly, because raising it more would require too much effort for one Eren Yeager, as he takes you in from top to bottom. You shift, slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"What do you want?" you ask him tersely, trying for a stiff smile. By the way his lip twitches for a millisecond, you think he's amused.

He doesn't answer. Typical. You almost scoff out loud and not just inside your head.

"I'm waiting for Armin," you tell him, and you want a reaction from him. Why is he even talking to you; why is he looking at you like   
that?

He raises the joint to his lips again, and he looks down at you. "Oh yeah?"

Your gaze hardens. "Yeah. And if you don't want to speak to him, I guess you should leave. It's not like you'd want anything from the library, Yeager."

He blows the smoke out in your direction, lips quirking you slightly at your disgruntled expression. 

At this point, the pretense is gone from both your voice and face, and at this point, you don't just think he's amused, you know he's amused. He's almost smiling, in a weird way. It makes you want to punch him, somehow.

"What makes you think I don't want to speak to him?" Eren asks you as he brings the joint up to his lips yet again, taking a long drag, all the while still keeping his eyes firmly on you. It's a bit unnerving. 

You send him a look and roll your eyes. You're done playing any game.

"I'm going in," you say, hoisting your books up to get a better grip on them. You send him another look over your shoulder, a dismissive look, "you do you, I guess. Bye, Yeager."

He leans back again. "Bye, Y/n. See you soon."

See you soon? Yeah, you most sincerely hope not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I’m not even editing this... and it’s horrible, so sorry. I’m just hoping nobody I know reads this...


	3. functioning properly

Not because you want to, but you notice that after that one fatal run in, you seem to be seeing more and more of Eren Yeager. The two of you never talk, and you look away whenever he looks your way, but he's still always there, near the counseling building, near the library, and anywhere near you, hands stuffed into his oversized dark green sweatshirt, talking to some of the other counselors or one or two of his friends that you don't know. Other times, he's alone, and you hate those times the most, because he'll end up having nothing to do but stare at you while he turns the pages of his book. You're sure he isn't actually reading, because every time you accidentally glance his way, his gaze is lifted, his dark green eyes boring into yours with strands of hair falling from his bun and framing his face, and his ever present scowl. It's odd, but despite not really knowing him, the sight of him, especially his mannerisms, along with some of his idiosyncrasies, are all too familiar too.

At one point, the feeling of familiarly just gives you a headache, so you dispel those thoughts, along with the deja vu Eren sometimes makes you experience.

You focus instead on the fact that despite not knowing why you even care to notice, Eren Yeager always scowls when looking at you. If the sight of you makes him so unhappy, why is he still always there?

You don't know why, and you tell yourself you don't care, but his presence, in a place that means so much for you, bothers you. And when things bother you, some part of you wants to seek out that bothersome thing, confront it, and subsequently get rid of it. You don't get the chance immediately, because as it turns out, Eren's hard to get rid of. Somehow, he's solidified himself there to have a presence exactly where you have one. He's even had talks with Hanji, and the mere thought of those interactions bothers you. You wonder what business Eren could have with Hanji of all people, but of course, you don't ask.

You want to, but that would require actually spending time on Eren Yeager, that would mean saying his name out-loud. You don't want to do that, so you don't, and you try to ignore everything like you always do. It doesn't work, but for about two days, you manage not to catch a glimpse of him. Possibly it's because you're distracted... by something, or someone...

The next time you really see Eren, properly, and up close, you're with Armin who's about to wrap his red scarf around your neck, and so you don't notice him at first. You're too busy quietly celebrating with your inner voice. Finally, he's doing something, your inner voice cheers. You've been taking many walks with Armin these past few days, and nearly every time, you see him reaching towards his scarf, but then fall short, and look away with his cheeks colored red. 

Usually, you find yourself wishing he would just do it, even when you're too shy to voice that thought, but now, because over Armin's shoulder, you make eye contact with Eren, who sports a dark bruise over his left eye, along with his usual scowl, you wish rather that Armin would take your hand and lead you away. The part of you, however, that despite Eren being Eren, wants to give him a once over just in case, just to make sure he's not dead or dying, wins over in the end. Momentarily distracted, you look at Eren over Armin's shoulder, narrowing your gaze. Despite the bruise, he seems fine, and you can go back to wishing Armin would whisk you far away from him.

Armin doesn't, and instead, you feel his cold, shaking fingers brush against your neck as he loops the piece of wool around you once, twice, and a third time for good measure (it's a rather long, fluffy scarf, after all). Too fixated on carefully wrapping you up, Armin doesn't notice who's appeared behind him. 

You're glad, but that momentarily happiness soon disappear when Eren stops in step, and holds your gaze boldly, his gaze hardening with each passing second. You want to know why, but you also don't, because you just don't care. So, with your eyes, you try telling Eren silently to move on, to leave you and Armin alone, because you don't want him here, because he's not welcome. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't listen. His friends step into the university building without him, but he remains rooted to the spot, not tearing his dark glare away from you, until you finally look away when you feel Armin's cold hands brush your cheeks. 

"Uh," Armin stammers, his blue eyes wide. But this time, he doesn't move his hands away from your face. You raise your head properly to look up at Armin, who's looking down at you with cheeks colored red, and open and close your mouth somewhat pathetically. Words don't find their way to your tongue. You want ignore Eren, and just spend more happy time with Armin, but for some reason you can't, and you want to tell Armin that you want to leave. Eren's still right there, after all, and staring, too, but you're afraid to scare Armin away with your words.

Armin and you are both equally shy and awkward, and the thought of how much courage he must have mustered up for this one action leaves you reluctant to interrupt him with anything. 

Armin coughs slightly. "Is, uh— I mean, are you alright?"

You look him in the eyes, and nod, and this time, you don't look at back Eren, you don't want to, and so you tell yourself he's long gone already. Gone where he can't bother you, can't aggravate you, and gone where he can't make Armin freeze up.

"I'm fine. Thank you for the scarf, it's, well, it's really warm," you whisper quietly. If possible, Armin turns an even deeper shade of red at your words. He tries to stammer out a suitable reply but fails. 

You see a opportunity arise, and a small, shy grin crosses over your features despite yourself. "Unlike your hands."

Armin fumbles with his fingers at your cheeks, and drops them, bringing them up to cover his face with his hands. You let out a quiet laugh, your teasing grin still in place. 

"They're always this cold," he groans miserably, "I was hoping that now, for once, because it's uh..."

You quirk a brow. "You thought winter would warm up your hands?"

Armin groans again. "Y/n! You know that's not what I meant!"

You know it isn't, but you're not ready to vocalize what he's implying. You don't have to anyway, the prospect of Armin's funny cold hands that no matter what, in whatever weather, are still ice to the touch, is enough to keep you both happy and distracted.

You're about to tease him some more, just for some fun (because you've already almost forgotten the presence of Eren Yeager), when you hear the crouch of snow, and footsteps. You freeze, but not as much as Armin beside you, who practically turns to stone.

Because you're looking down, Eren's black boots come into your line of vision first, and then you hear his slightly raspy, deep voice and always perpetually dull voice. "He means because you're here with him."

Nobody responds for what almost seems like a full minute. Why did he feel the need to barge in on your private conversation, just to say that?

Armin, ever the stone statue when Eren's involved, as expected, only slowly turns to look up at Eren, in the same manner people in horror movies do when they find out the monster isn't in front of them, but rather behind them. Painfully slow, and with wide, even terrified eyes.

Eren just stands there as bold as brass, cigarette in his left hand, as Armin with his blue eyes wide as saucers, continues lagging mid movement. You wince and turn that into a heated glare, as Eren, smoke swirling upward in front of his glare, stares down at you beside Armin, and carelessly steps into the place across from you. The place directly next to Armin. But he doesn't spare Armin even a single glance, in fact, you think he's purposely being cruel by letting his eyes flit over Armin as if he's not even there.

Armin tries to regain his composure, and you grasp his left hand in your own, a silent show of support. "Eren— you're— you're here..."

Armin sounds confused, his voice is soft, and the look in his eyes is slightly disoriented, but that undertone of anger is detectable once again. And this time, it seems, he's made up his mind, and he's intent on not just walking away. Secretly, you're sure that Eren's state, what with his bruise, and cut on his lower, gives Armin pause, and a reason not to scurry away. Unlike Eren, he still cares way too much, no matter what, and he'll always come running back to Eren.

At first, you were sure that Armin was better than Mikasa in that sense, but in reality, you now realize that he isn't. Just like Mikasa, Armin would give away the world for Eren, even if it hurts him, even if it leaves him depressed and unable to properly function like Mikasa. There's something there that you don't fully understand, you admit that, but it doesn't make you dislike Eren any less.

You give Armin's hand a determined squeeze as you glare up at Eren with Armin beside you, feeling a spark of anger ignite in your chest as well. It's for Armin's shaky hand that you hold in your own.

Eren doesn't for say anything for a moment, he just keeps on staring at you, just as you glare right back. In slight confusion, Armin quietly looks between the two of you, and there's a touch of sadness in his movements, you know. While he's mad at Eren, yes, he's also sad, because his friend, his first friend, is now acting like he of all people doesn't exist. He's sad, because while Eren seems to have no regard for his former friends, Armin, once again, still, despite everything that you're sure went on, cares... so, so much. Too much, just like everybody else whoever knew him...

You snap out of your thoughts when Eren runs a hand through his hair, making his messy bun appear even messier, and replaces his blank, empty look, with a smug one that you recognize as the smirk he always has on his face when around people like Floch. Eren blows a cloud of smoke. Your face scrunches up in disgust almost as a reply to that. It's something you do almost instinctively.

"You're dating Armin now, are you?" he asks, nodding at Armin carelessly, almost dismissively, as if Armin is not worth any of his time, and not someone to take seriously. If anything, Eren sounds amused again.

Armin raises his head again. "Uh, no— We're just friends... But how—"

Eren cuts him off mercilessly as he continues talking to you only. "I didn't know it was like that, but it is now?"

Your glare hardens, your shyness almost forgotten. "You don't have any reason know anything, Yeager. But yeah, it is like that."

"Oh yeah?" Eren asks disinterestedly, as if challenging your claim of him having no reason to know anything.   
He doesn't say anything else. Eren just tosses his cigarette onto the floor and puts it out with the heel of his boot. This somehow also feels like a direct response to your words.

Armin looks at you slightly surprised, and his cheeks are red again, but he doesn't comment on your words immediately. Instead, he turns to Eren again, readying himself to try at civil conversation. "She's— we're—... We're about to, uh, go for a coffee after class, do, err... you maybe want to join us? Or do you want to maybe get that looked at?"

Eren raises a brow at you, still ignoring Armin, and you shake your head at him. Somehow, you can feel Eren's anger when Armin mentions getting anything looked at. That's not anything he's interested in. Before he can (as you've seen him do) hurtfully refuse Armin, however, you do it for him. "Sadly," you grit out, "Yeager has class now. He can't come."

Armin lays a cold, yet comforting hand on your shoulder. "I think you can just call him Eren," he tells you quietly, a small, awkward smile growing on his face, "and he probably still has some minutes before—"

Armin freezes up again before he can finish because Eren drags his green eyes away from you and tosses a cold, dispassionate glare to Armin. He doesn't say anything, but just with this look alone, Armin visibly deflates.

"Or not," Armin whispers quietly.

Eren's eyebrows furrow, and his eyes are blazing at this point. He's angry, verging on furious. You somehow saw this coming. "Yeah, let's go with that," he grits out shortly.

With the hostility in his gaze, he almost spits the next words out. "Have fun on your date   
then, Y/n." 

You ball your hands into fists. How is he allowed to say things life this? How is allowed to make Armin... 

You cast a glance to the side, watching Armin let out a heavy breath of air as Eren turns on his heels once again and makes to leave. The anger has just about evaporated from his face, and all that's left is his usual silent defeat, and the exhaustion's that stems from the confusion of childhood that exists there between the three of them.

But then something in Armin's gaze spikes again, violently, and you recognize his anger. Before Eren completely disappears, Armin raises his voice one last time, his eyes hardening slightly, too. He calls after his friend, "Did you get into another fight yesterday? Mikasa thinks so, Mikasa went to look for you—"

He doesn't finish, but you know that what he wants to say. That Mikasa is currently in the hospital. Because of him. For him.

Something tells you Eren already knows, because he stops walking. Slightly, he turns his head to the side, not looking back at Armin, but acknowledging that he heard him. "Yeah. Someone has to do the fight."

He doesn't mention Mikasa, doesn't react to her name, nor the fact that she, for him, got hurt yet again. How that happened, however, you don't know. You just know it did, and that it's his fault.

**Author's Note:**

> hey... a small idea that might go nowhere, but yeah, let’s see how it’ll go. chapters will be rather short... comments are always appreciated as they always inspire me to write more !


End file.
